well, my house is a complete disaster. Laundry is backed up, dishes are backed up, I haven't dusted or vacuumed in a few days, and to be totally honest..... I'm 100% ok with it!!!!! And let me elaborate on why. These chores, these daily, monotonous chores, will be something i will have to do for THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!! (Unless of course, we strike it rich somehow and I decide to not be such a cheap ass and actually hire someone to do said chores....which I don't believe will ever actually happen.....unfortunately) So I'm not gonna hold my breath. I'll just accept that. Lol.
I spend so much of my time doing everything to make sure Kevin will come home to a very clean house. So much time that, I'm ashamed to admit, Layla tends to get put on the back burner for most of the day. The other day she literally followed me around everywhere I went. I would leave the room just to turn off a light and she would be two steps behind me. And she would have her favorite book in her hand anywhere we went. I was so distracted trying to get things done and just kept telling her "hold just baby, Lemmie just finish this one thing." or "in a little bit Layla, mommie is almost done doing so and so". At one point during the afternoon, while I was working on the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher, she came up to me, with her book, her blanket, and her sippy cup in hand. She THREW her book in the dishwasher spread her blanket on the floor and laid down with her cup.....in the middle of the floor!!!!! At that very moment, I completely broke. (typing this up right now has me in tears. I can barely see my screen. ANYWHO!)
My poor baby girl, who is growing up so fast that it makes my head spin, had been begging to have my attention to read this damn book all day long. it would've taken me maybe 4 minutes to sit down with her and read it. but I just kept blowing her off, pushing her to the side, all I was concerned about was getting the house cleaned. And it hit me like a ton of bricks when she finally had had enough. I will NEVER get these times back. I will NEVER again experience something so simple as reading a book, this book that is so magical to her, at this age. She will never be a 21-month-old baby girl sprouting into toddlerhood, whose curiosity and imagination is just being able to shine through. The dishes, however, those will be the same for the next 70 years of my life. Rinse, wash, load, unload, dry, put away. There's nothing special about that. There's nothing about it that makes my heart feel warm. so I decided in that very moment- THIS SHIT CAN WAIT!!!!!!!!
I immediately grabbed her book from the back of the dishwasher, picked my baby girl up off the floor with her snuggles (that's what we call her blanket in case u weren't aware, lol), and we went straight to the couch. I didn't even close the dishwasher. It's not like they were gonna jump out after all. :-) My daughter is a sweet girl, very loving, however, she is NOT a cuddler! She likes her space, if she wants affection, she'll give ya a quick kiss then u better not touch her....at all. lol. so we sat on the couch, and to my surprise, she cuddled up next to me so close that I could barely breathe. who the hell needs oxygen anyways, that shits overrated.
We read that book from front to back I'm guessing 12 times. And I was beyond ok with that. At the end of the 13th time, she closed the book, leaned up and kissed me, said "Lalu momma.....nite nite", jumped off the couch, grabbed my hand and escorted me to her bed where she threw her book, her snuggles and tried to climb in. I tucked her in bed, kissed her forehead and went back into the kitchen, to finish up my task and BROKE DOWN IN TEARS. After about a ten minute crying session because I was just so upset to know that I was beginning to become "that mom". you know the type- the mom that is more concerned with a clean spotless home, than a warm happy home.
I vowed right then and there that I would never let this happen again. Who gives a shit if my house isn't spotless. my house is not in what most would consider acceptable for company. And if I had an unexpected visitor they would probably b shocked to see how I've let it become, but you know what, I don't care. Layla and I have literally played all day since and colored and read, and today we even MADE MOON DOUGH!!!!! Which ill post that "experience" soon. (I know I never did post the homemade dishwasher powder, I promise I still will. but this post was much more valuable to me.) Since that day with the book throwing incident, my house has kind of fallen apart, but my heart, on the other hand, my heart is thriving. my heart and I know Layla's as well, is full and happy. This has been a big eye opener for me. And I hope to maybe at least one reader it will be as well. Chores can wait, memories....won't....... God bless!!!!!